I finally figured out that going directly from point A to point B isn’t always good for me; sometimes it’s best for me to take the long way home. If I take the direct route, I tend look back at point A long after leaving it behind on my way to point B. Or I look at point B, long before my arrival time, and imagine what it will look like, how my life may or may not change, how much greener things will be there. And whether looking back too long and hanging on to the past or looking forward too much and creating an image of what lies ahead, I lose the here and now with all its imperfections, honesty, gratitude, good things, not-so-good things. I forget to take the long way, a way that allows for stopping and inspecting, looping back or wandering off the path for awhile, pausing to listen, and savoring long moments steeped in awe and gratitude.
The “home” at the end of this long road is to an old dream I’ve carried for many, many years only to give it up as unreachable and unworthy because of an unachievable standard that I'd imposed upon it: one which demanded perfection from the very start. This website is the manifestation of that dream, without the standard of perfection attached to it. It’s the culmination of the gift of a year that I’d given myself, during which I allowed myself to meander at will and not get lost in the impatience that sat on and squashed me when I couldn’t achieve something immediately. It’s the result of giving myself some time and a whole lot of grace to figure some things out; to let other things lie quietly until they're meant to be revealed; to work through feelings of loneliness and isolation, abandonment and a rage that still threatens me whenever I remember a particularly toxic family member.
It reflects the distillation of things learned with a beloved therapist who believes in me, who uses phrases like “When you start your business” rather than “If you start your business” the latter being what I’d grown accustomed to. It shows all that’s possible when a curious, honest soul meets up with a business mentor of great wisdom and a willingness to listen and question and encourage and challenge; an illustrator of incredible talent, gumption, and gentleness; and a genius whose technical GPS never once had to be re-calibrated.
It’s the result of many fits and starts, of trying to find the right equipment and software and then learning to use it. Its launch was then further delayed some additional months as I spent most of the summer recovering from an unplanned, major surgery and much of the early autumn recovering from what was almost pneumonia.
But we’re here now, my website and me, after meandering and healing and taking the long way home to a dream I once thought was lost. There will be some wonderful things offered here as I share things I’ve learned - and am still learning - as I continue on my journey. There will be prints and cards and projects that I’ll share with you and invite you look over, slowly, as you meander along your own road.